— THE BOOK OF BILL, CHAPTER 1 —

In the beginning there was a chicken. And the chicken was dead. And Bill looked upon the chicken and said unto it: "Arise, chicken. Arise."
And lo, the chicken arose. And it was good. And it clucked.

— THE BOOK OF BILL, CHAPTER 2 —

Thou shalt always face northeast. This is not metaphorical. LITERALLY northeast. Bill tried southwest once in 1987 and we do not speak of what happened. The tomatoes still won't grow there.

— THE FORBIDDEN APPENDIX (partial) —

The Meatball of Power was first forged in the summer of '74 from equal parts ground chuck, forbidden herbs, and the frustrated sighs of a man who simply wanted his chickens to stop dying. Its properties remain poorly understood. Do not microwave it.

— THE PROPHECY OF THE NORTHEAST CHICKEN —

And in the age of the blinking cursor, one shall come who clicketh with great speed. They will raise ONE HUNDRED chickens before the fifth wave. And the counter shall tick. And Bill shall nod slowly. He always knew.

⚠️ PAGES 47-203 REDACTED BY ORDER OF THE POULTRY COUNCIL ⚠️
Some truths are not meant for dial-up connections

— CHICKEN RESURRECTION COMPATIBILITY —

Moon phase calculated astronomically for your current date.
Bill checks this every morning before breakfast. Usually before, anyway.

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SELECT HEX TYPE: 🐔 Minor Hex — mild poultry-related dreams 🍖 BBQ Hex — uncontrollable hunger for brisket 🧭 Northeast Hex — compelled to face northeast 📢 Cluck Hex — speaks only in clucks for one afternoon 🔴 Meatball Hex — Bill's strongest. Use responsibly.

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